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GUEST POST: Dating Away From Home During Times Like These…

“My wife hasn’t said a word since @iJesseWilliams speech. I’m looking at her like I’m not like the white ppl he was talking about,” is what Gary Owen tweeted following Jesse Williams’ riveting acceptance speech at the 2016 BET Awards, where he was honored for his humanitarian efforts.

For those who don’t know, comedian Gary Owen is married to a black woman, has been for years and many of his fans appreciated his humor by flooding his timeline reminding him that he is still in “good standing” with us considering he had already been traded for Stacey Dash. I cracked up!

Surely we all know that not all non-blacks are racist. But one begs the question…

What is the mental and emotional temperature in an interracial relationship, with the state of cultural appropriation, racial injustice and wide open hatred toward people of color?

Notice, I did not say “current state” only “state” because the aforementioned societal deficiencies have been ongoing since…well, since forever.

Dating Away From Home During Times Like These

Can there be relatable conversations between the two when the news broadcast comes on every other day covering a story of another black face, another victim at the hands of an afraid police officer taking that life with no alternative measures of restraint?

Can one identify with the other when seeing news reports of judges handing down harsher punishments for non-violent crimes committed by blacks compared to lenient sentences for violent crimes committed by whites?

Can a white companion sympathize with us when the media labels terrorists of white descent as “quiet”, “loner” or suffering from mental anguish and depression while unarmed men and women of color who have been gunned down by public servants have every wrong decision that they may have made in life smeared across the media in an effort to somehow make it appear that his or her life was less worthy of global sadness at their deaths?

As much as the genuine love interest that you are dating may try to understand the plight, I am not certain that they truly ever can.

I have never personally dated outside of my race, well, unless we count the time that I was living in my hometown of Austin, TX , and had a friend boy who was white; please note that I was a third grader, so of course I know it doesn’t count.With that said, I’m merely speaking based on my perspective.

But seriously, I do believe two individuals of different races who are both aware and understanding of the challenges that the black community faces can thrive as a unit with communication and the ability to agree that the inequality African-Americans face is a reality and not an opinion.

I have biracial first cousins whom I adore and two white uncles, I am clearly not against interracial love. When I see them along with other more notable couples such as, Robert De Niro and wife Grace Hightower, Alfre Woodard and husband Roderick Spencer or Tamera Mowry-Housley and husband Adam, I wonder how they might converse about the issues that plague the black community. On the other hand, is it discussed at all?

There were times when I witnessed my fellow sisters up in arms about seeing black men who had done well for themselves with a lady away from home as if he was required to extend his last name to a black woman.

Admittedly, that was never something that bothered me growing up or even in my teen years but it did peak my curiosity when I became a woman. Then I noticed my sisters began opening up to the idea themselves and took a chance at dating away from home, too! And, we can’t forget the movie “Something New” starring Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker. That movie might have had black women considering dating away from home a time or two as well. Probably because he painted her toes, but then again, we were skeptical when: 1.) He asked was her hair real and 2.) didn’t’ want to hear her vent about her troubles as the only “sistah” in the board room aka “the plantation” as she put it while they grocery shopped.

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This is the very thing that I am pointing out! How soon will the conversations of the war against blacks become too repetitious for your honey and he or she no longer wants to hear about it because it’s too constant? Sure it’s constant because the problem is ongoing, our bad? I think not.

The residue of the historical yet constant mistreatment of our people keeps race relations at the top of the discussion lists and at the top of the agenda of activists and regular tax paying citizens who keep a lower profile fighting to one day see fair treatment of our people. The discussion is bound to come up in an interracial relationship unless of course it involves two people who are either keeping blinders on as to what’s going on around them or they have agreed to not discuss the racial issues going on around them.

Love who you love, but I am just curious to know, what’s it like dating away from home during times like these?

Are you willing to open up and share your experiences? We’re an open forum, please “xpress” your comments below. Remember, we are a no judgement zone.

Auketria Manor

Hair/Relationships Blogger

Auketria is a full time working mom and author with a passion for hair care and modern relationships. When she’s not contributing, she’s working on her new book!

MISSION STATEMENT: “Aiming to bring readers the latest in haircare & hair styling trends while provoking fun-healthy debates about your favorite relationship topics .”

Get a copy of my book: Catching Feelings


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Veronica Green
Entertainment addict - yes! Celebrity gossip - NO! I blog about all things entertainment and lifestyle , which includes, but not limited to: new music, movies, TV shows, books, parenting, food, finance tips, etc. Blog Xpressions caters to and celebrates women! We like to empower, educate and enrich lives!

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