The Balance, Mounds & Triumphs of the Modern Woman Who Has it All
Have we not all heard the phrase, “she has it all” which is commonly descriptive of the woman who has faith, a wholesome family life, a thriving career or business that she loves and balances it all to the point it looks easy or at least manageable?
When I think about my blessings, accomplishments, obstacles, mountains, victories and triumphs, smiling is a natural reflex.
This same reflex occurs when I am privileged to witness others journey through life and come out on the other side unscathed as well. There are mounds more that I intend to accomplish, God willing, but the one thing that supersedes anything that I have ever done is…motherhood.
“Why,” you ask?
Well, what I have discovered about this role throughout the last seventeen years is that you grow, you change, you learn, you improve and the lessons that you teach change drastically seemingly every few years.
Next to my absolute adoration for my family life and doing my best to maintain a faith-centered existence, I enjoy expanding in my career, and, of course writing.
Most of the women that I share close relationships with have careers, businesses, ministry commitments, and families. Truthfully, if you think about the many things that most women are responsible for handling in a twenty-four hour day, it can be exhausting.
These women have it all! But, on the contrary, I have found that there are many dynamics to the balancing act for women because not everything works for every woman and not all women have equal desires in life – not every woman’s ALL means the same thing.
The Not-So-Traditional, Modern, Busy Woman
Shonda Rhimes, whom we all know as an award-winning writer, definitely balances several acts. During a sit-down with Oprah Winfrey on an episode of Super Soul Sunday, Rhimes made it clear that she never wanted to be married. She knew that motherhood was definitely a must, but a marriage, however, not so much.
“I love having boyfriends. I love dating, I do not want a husband in my house.”
Rhimes noted that writing occupies much of her thoughts and much of her time and dividing time between that, motherhood and having a husband just wouldn’t fly.
Deciding against marriage has not ruined her plans of having children. Rhimes is the mother of three girls and has still managed the continuity of her critically acclaimed shows – Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, Grey’s Anatomy and more.
Interestingly enough, Oprah, too, has been quite vocal about having a nontraditional home life. It has never been her desire to be a mother. And although she has been in a relationship with Stedman Graham probably longer than I am old, marrying him and bearing his children were never on her to-do list.
Winfrey was quoted in Vanity Fair saying:
“If I had kids, my kids would hate me…they would have ended up on the equivalent of The Oprah Winfrey Show talking about me because something (in her life) would have had to suffer, and it would’ve been them.”
In that same interview, she did say she is the mother to the world’s children and that’s commendable because her involvements prove it. Her life is centered on a well-rounded career in media and philanthropy and as far as I am concerned, hats off to every woman who knows what works for her and what does not.
The Modern, Busy Woman With a Full Load
Heading to the other end of the spectrum, there are women who set their goals, accomplish them, work in various industries, run businesses and prefer both a spouse and children.
I know some of these women personally. Conversations with them were insightful and realistic – there was no pretending about how it’s a “breeze.”
In fact, it takes an effort to divide the time between the many obligations which usually cannot be done equally.
Check out some of these real life quotes from the modern, busy woman:
“Seemed like there was never enough time to deliver quality to either [family & work], so I would cannibalize time for myself to meet family and work commitments which weren’t sustainable long-term.”
We’ll call this force of a wife, mother and leader of her industry, “Carla.”
She also went on to say that she later figured out that it’s okay to say, “no” and to build time for herself into her schedule so that coping with whatever came her way was possible.
Another wife, mother, full-time career woman and business owner, “Holly,” also made it crystal clear that at times having multiple irons in the fire can become overwhelming making you want to quit. But in times like these, remember the goal at hand.
“The biggest challenge was staying focused on the “why” of it all. I know I was born to pursue my passions, but the struggle to continue the pursuit in the midst of life’s challenges is the balancing act for me. When I begin to feel overwhelmed and want to give up, I remember my “why” and I push through!”
I, for one, can agree that remaining encouraged by the significance for meeting the goal is usually the driving force to keep you on track or get you back on in case you’ve fallen off.
The dimensions of career women with families in both the traditional and non-traditional sense are of great variety. I have had the pleasure of meeting and building friendships with amazing women who are happily single without children and of course those with adventurous families at home keeping them on their toes like the two ladies quoted above.
The balancing act is not exclusive to women who have helped build their families. Some women do not want children and others do not want marriage and I respect that. None of us are aligned with one school of thought 100% when it comes to being a woman so yes, I respect their choices.
Although I have been blessed to have a progressive career of my own while raising my children, I envision a very different path for my daughter [my son, too]. Ultimately, the path is hers to create. With her upbringing, she understands realities and possibilities are shaped by nothing more than her C H O I C E S.
I am surviving the balancing act myself and admittedly some days I would rather escape to an island all alone, sit in a lawn chair or in the sand with a margarita diluted heavily with fruity ingredients (because I’m a devout lightweight) and chill!
My village, however, has been essential in this journey as well and they’ve helped me to continue floating on days I want to sink. The only thing I don’t delegate is events (football games, cheering, school programs, etc.), those are memories that I don’t want to have to hear about – I’d rather witness them.
Much love to each and every mother (and father) who are balancing the acts!
Time to #xpressyourself! Which balancing act do you fall in: the non-traditional modern woman or the modern woman with the full load?
As always, please S H A R E this post and let’s strike a conversation!
Until next time, Xpressers, Xoxo!
Bravo post, Auketria!
I am a modern woman with a career, business, husband and kids in tow! My balancing act is an all-day job!
This post is a great supplement to the #EarnMoreMoney post. Please read the post, join the movement and be part of the solution! I joined the movement and I have learned and discovered so much. We are worth it. We must take the time to take care of ourselves and know our worth.